The list

Assembly Language is a bare engine; you have to build the car yourself and manually supply it with gas while it’s running, but if you’re careful it can go like a bat out of hell.

Assembly Language you are the car.

Basic is a simple car useful for short drives to the local shops. Once popular with learner drivers, it has recently been stripped down to a shell and rebuilt by a major manufacturer, The new version has been refurbished for longer journeys, leaving only cosmetic similarities to the original model.

C is a racing car that goes incredibly fast but breaks down every fifty miles.

C# is a competing model of family station wagons. Once you use this, you’re never allowed to use the competitors’ products again.

C++ is a souped-up version of the C racing car with dozens of extra features that only breaks down every 250 miles, but when it does, nobody can figure out what went wrong.

Fortran is a pretty primitive car; it’ll go very quickly as long as you are only going along roads that are perfectly straight. It is believed that learning to drive a Fortran car makes it impossible to learn to drive any other model.

Java is a family station wagon. It’s easy to drive, it’s not too fast, and you can’t hurt yourself.

Lisp At first it doesn’t seem to be a car at all, but now and then you spot a few people driving it around. After a point you decide to learn more about it and you realize it’s actually a car that can make more cars. You tell your friends, but they all laugh and say these cars look way too weird. You still keep one in your garage, hoping one day they will take over the streets.

Matlab is a car designed for novice drivers going on short trips over terrain similar to the terrain the Mathematica car is usually driven over. It is very comfortable when driving over this terrain, but if you go off the trail even a little the car becomes so hard to drive that more snobby drivers refuse to even acknowledge that it’s a car.

Perl is supposed to be a pretty cool car, but the driver’s manual is incomprehensible. Also, even if you can figure out how to drive a Perl car, you won’t be able to drive anyone else’s.

PHP is the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, it’s bizarre and hard to handle but everybody still wants to drive it. [from "CosmicJustice" off of digg.com]

Prolog is a car with a unique trial-and-error GPS system. It will go down the road looking for your destination, and if it gets to the end of the street without finding it, it will back up and try the next street over and continue until you get where you need to go.

Python is a great beginner’s car; you can drive it without a license. Unless you want to drive really fast or on really treacherous terrain, you may never need another car.

Ruby is a car that was formed when the Perl, Python and Smalltalk cars were involved in a three-way collision. A Japanese mechanic found the pieces and put together a car which many drivers think is better than the sum of the parts. Other drivers, however, grumble that a lot of the controls of the Ruby car have been duplicated or triplicated, with some of the duplicate controls doing slightly different things in odd circumstances, making the car harder to drive than it ought to be. A redesign is rumored to be in the works.

Smalltalk is a small car originally designed for people who were just learning to drive, but it was designed so well that even experienced drivers enjoy riding in it. It doesn’t drive very fast, but you can take apart any part of it and change it to make it more like what you wanted it to be. One oddity is that you don’t actually drive it; you send it a message asking it to go somewhere and it either does or tells you that it didn’t understand what you were asking.

Visual Basic is a car that drives you.